he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
