so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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