He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
