You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize