even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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