Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
