at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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