I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
