I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
