My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
the liver wants what the liver wants
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
