In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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