you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Pooping to opera.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
