Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
