He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
