new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
