Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
