I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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