I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
