My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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