Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
