dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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