found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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