Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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