He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
