i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
