My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
