Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize