meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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