i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Even my vagina gasped.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
