Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
