Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
