spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
