Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt

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(415): View more from California

There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.

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(815): View more from Illinois

THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I pray for you bro.

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(818): View more from California

When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.

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(305): View more from Florida

God, I missed his penis.

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