I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
