chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
