she was so not down for the gang bang
from now on my penis is your penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
