how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
