She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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