I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Two words: blizzard sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
