So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
