I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
