i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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