apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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