So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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