dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
