he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
