never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
