I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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