After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
