What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
