Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
