I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
