ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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