You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
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