I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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