Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
