If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
