I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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