He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
