At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
