my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
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