Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
and you fell through a lawn chair
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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