he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just forgot I was standing up.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
