I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
