Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
