Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You can't just leave with hair like that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
