so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
