She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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