he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
