It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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