i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
