I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
