Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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