two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
